Inventive Invectives- A Guide for Interesting Insults

 We all love to insult people. Hey, don't deny it! We're Americans, spilling out a slew of swears at the slightest provocation comes natural as breathing. But what most fail to realize is how inventive you can be at insulting someone. So inventive, that the man at the mercy of your wits probably won't know what the heck you're talking about. Basically, you can insult someone and get away with it. How, you ask? Shake. Speare.


Shakespeare's vocabulary was approximately five times more vast than the average person, you see- and with a wider range of words, comes a broader selection of 'swears'! The language Shakespeare used may be archaic, but man, is it eloquent! Using his style will not only confuse your assailant, but will leave you chuckling with glee, hee hee!


I know what you're thinking. "Oh miss, won't you teach us good folk this glorious art you speak of?" Why, yes. Yes, I will. I'll give a list of interesting, witty words you can use at your disposal first, and then delve into the pairings and structure of insults and their phrases! :D


All you have to do is match up three different words/phrases from the separate columns, and BAM! You've got brand spanking new ammo for your next verbal battle.

Column I                                      Column II                                        Column III

artless                                           bat-fowling                                        apple-john

beslubbering                                beef-witted                                        baggage

churlish                                         clapper-clawed                                 boar-pig

clouted                                          common-kissing                             canker-bloom

craven                                           dizzy-eyed                                        clotpole

dankish                                         doghearted                                       coxcomb

fawning                                          earth-vexing                                     codpiece

gleeking                                        flap-mouthed                                    dew-berry

gorbellied                                      folly-fallen                                         flap-dragon

infectious                                       fool-born                                           flirt-gill

mammering                                  guts-griping                                      foot-licker

mewling                                         hell-hated                                          giglet

qualling                                         ill-breeding                                        gudgeon 

roguish                                          milk-livered                                       harpy

saucy                                             motley-minded                                 horn-beast

tottering                                         plume-plucked                              hugger-mugger

venomed                                       pox-marked                                       lewdster

wayward                                         spur-galled                                          lout

                                                      swag-bellied                                      mammet

                                                                                                                   

My all-time favorite is craven, hell-hated snapdragon! :)
Well, I hope you've had fun plucking out your own special insult!! Now go give that especially loud young man in the theatre a piece of your mind! 

                   

Epiphany [Bear with me.]

   Alright.... I've decided it's high time I make another post. This one shall be an epiphany, read at your leisure~ 

                                          

   What if we were never meant to be? Everyone, all day, everyday, tries to make sense out of the world, tries to riddle out the meaning of life... But what if there is no method to the madness? What if atoms, amoebas or whatnot started adapting to a cruel unyielding world, more and more, until BAM: you get living, seeing, breathing, feeling creatures billions of years later. But the thing is, we're still trying to adapt to that same cruel world, and in that sense, we haven't changed a bit. 

   What it boils down to is, something in the universe, inadvertently or not, decided to care- and now we, as one, consequentially care. Despite how far we climb the ladder of success, we'll bounce back down to ground level. The line separating what's right and what's easy will always be blurred. Love, hate, spontaneity and fate, blah, blah, blah. There is no meaning. I suppose we must simply live, and feel; maybe we'll find some meaning in that, at least.

Punday Sunday

Alright, I've decided to create a new holiday. 'Punday Sunday'. It is what it is. Tell your friends, tell your pet, heck, spread word to that smelly hobo down the street. Now, enjoy this choice collection of puns I've gathered for your enjoyment! 


~"A dyslexic man walks into a bra."


~"Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before."


~The classic: "There once was a person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did."


~"Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and 
says, 'Dam!'"

~the intelligent: "Uranium 235 and Plutonium 239 walk into a bar. After a few drinks, they split. There are no survivors within a 5-mile radius.

~And the just plain amazing: "A corporal runs up to Hitler and says, 'Fuer, fuer! The Allies have invaded Normandy!' Hitler replies, 'I did Nazi that coming!'"

I hope you enjoyed those! And Happy Punday Sunday!!!! 

One Small Step for Man.....

Here I am! I was sitting here at home (as I'm often wont to do), when I suddenly realized, perplexed, that I don't speak out near as often as I should. But why, do you ask? Oh, I don't know. Out of laziness, apathy? Ignorance, or typical Americanism (a combination of all three, wrapped into one grotesque epidemic). Most importantly, was I letting this silence my voice?

Whatever it was, I decided to vanquish it once and for all. I logged off Facebook, flicked away whatever crumbs remained of my lunch off the desk, and set off in search of a way to be heard. Long story short, I found this URL, and went right off to work! Half the battle was deciding on a title of my quest, until I remembered I need only think of my goal- to not fall into the norm, to be... [drumroll].... atypical. Qwertypical.  :)   As they say, 'one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind'. 

(**Sidenote- this blog shall contain anything and everything from poems, epiphanies, journal entries, interesting/awesome stories, rules of life, bizarre facts, and bitchin' jokes. Oh, and some profanity. Have fun**)