Inventive Invectives- A Guide for Interesting Insults

 We all love to insult people. Hey, don't deny it! We're Americans, spilling out a slew of swears at the slightest provocation comes natural as breathing. But what most fail to realize is how inventive you can be at insulting someone. So inventive, that the man at the mercy of your wits probably won't know what the heck you're talking about. Basically, you can insult someone and get away with it. How, you ask? Shake. Speare.


Shakespeare's vocabulary was approximately five times more vast than the average person, you see- and with a wider range of words, comes a broader selection of 'swears'! The language Shakespeare used may be archaic, but man, is it eloquent! Using his style will not only confuse your assailant, but will leave you chuckling with glee, hee hee!


I know what you're thinking. "Oh miss, won't you teach us good folk this glorious art you speak of?" Why, yes. Yes, I will. I'll give a list of interesting, witty words you can use at your disposal first, and then delve into the pairings and structure of insults and their phrases! :D


All you have to do is match up three different words/phrases from the separate columns, and BAM! You've got brand spanking new ammo for your next verbal battle.

Column I                                      Column II                                        Column III

artless                                           bat-fowling                                        apple-john

beslubbering                                beef-witted                                        baggage

churlish                                         clapper-clawed                                 boar-pig

clouted                                          common-kissing                             canker-bloom

craven                                           dizzy-eyed                                        clotpole

dankish                                         doghearted                                       coxcomb

fawning                                          earth-vexing                                     codpiece

gleeking                                        flap-mouthed                                    dew-berry

gorbellied                                      folly-fallen                                         flap-dragon

infectious                                       fool-born                                           flirt-gill

mammering                                  guts-griping                                      foot-licker

mewling                                         hell-hated                                          giglet

qualling                                         ill-breeding                                        gudgeon 

roguish                                          milk-livered                                       harpy

saucy                                             motley-minded                                 horn-beast

tottering                                         plume-plucked                              hugger-mugger

venomed                                       pox-marked                                       lewdster

wayward                                         spur-galled                                          lout

                                                      swag-bellied                                      mammet

                                                                                                                   

My all-time favorite is craven, hell-hated snapdragon! :)
Well, I hope you've had fun plucking out your own special insult!! Now go give that especially loud young man in the theatre a piece of your mind!